Essence of theComplete Universal Archive

Tastes like multiple flavors of sherbet ice cream and ink. Drinking this grants you an artifact with many features:

• This artifact defaults to a Sheikah Slate in appearance, that's tied to your soul and can be stored within it, but it can take any form you want it to that allows you to access the data within it. This includes a pair of glasses/contacts, pokedex, holographic computer screens plus keyboard, a VR system, an absolutely amazing gaming rig complete with chair, or ordinary tablets or computers, even shifting form to any book in its library, anything you like with its aesthetics customized to your tastes.

• The archive contains all information and entertainment media that has existed, is available currently, and that will ever exist in the universe, whether that information was lost, hidden, destroyed, or (in the case of music, theater plays, and official proceedings and storytelling) not recorded. This is not limited to Earth, the entire universe and even the libraries of Heaven are contained within, so if you wanted to know definitively if aliens or God exists you'll have access to their writings. This does not give you the contents of every conversation ever held by sophonts, rather anything that was ever presented to the public, recorded somewhere, or dark dealings made concerning wars and governments that give greater context to cultural shifts and important events are included so you can comprehend the garden as a whole instead of every blade of grass.

• All information is properly screened so that it doesn’t harm you and is properly obscured to any person or entity attempting to read the contents without your permission. Any audio information is also properly screened and simply made inaudible to any listening, whether because they hear nothing at all or anything they do hear is garbled nonsense. Even when this information is known to you it remains obscured in your mind along with any thoughts related to it so that no telepaths or dark gods get a peek at the future. When you do give permission, you can limit it only to the information you allow instead of granting access to the entire database.

• The artifact naturally has infinite storage and memory as it will add the information of new universes or archives to its databanks in their own section should you find your way into one. Its processing speed is also instant and never suffers lags from its end, especially when gaming.

• The artifact's features are designed with you in mind, with superior search functions and algorithms that allow you to find just what you're looking for or that can recommend something you'd enjoy, along with excellent filters that are not fooled by all the ways people use to get around them. Make your device's access as child friendly or hardcore adult as you like.

• Everything is sorted in an easy to navigate manner, such as all game related content like interviews, fanart, fan music, etc. matched to the game it's for.

• There is a translation feature which gives a top quality translation for anything in the archive, this includes subtitles for visual media. All audio media also comes with your choice of dub quality from low fan-dubs to a top quality version in any language within the archives, you can even set the device to read for you with your choice of speakers such as Steven Hawking or Brian Blessed. Want to know how Dragon Ball would sound in Ancient Sumerian with a hamtastic dub? Now you can!

• The game category allows you to play glitchless versions of any game published, but includes everything in its original format and any remasters, mods, reboots, etc. in the universe. Note that these are specifically for glitches that make games unplayable and unenjoyable, if you’re a speedrunner it won’t take away clipping. Your artifact provides all the equipment you'd need to enjoy these games and when playing online can always inexplicably find a server with enough people playing to be enjoyable, though if you don’t want that it can also generate some dumb AI that are smarter than most video game AI to play with or against. You can also play board games, tabletop games, and can even read the rules for any physical game ever conceived such as football, drinking games, or ancient chariot racing as well as what the rewards and failures entailed.

• Music has sorting options for covers, parodies, and genres in addition to artists and bands. You can search the name of a Christmas song for example and open a list with all the artists who sang it or bands that played it. It also includes pictures and information on the instruments or programs/devices used to play those tunes.

• The artifact comes with programs and functions that would allow you to create your own works, from novels, to drawings, music, and also games. Or if you're lazy (like most of us) the artifact can outright create your work for you, exactly as you would've made it if you had the skill to do so, in as many versions as you come to think of. This will be to a professional yet mundane standard, nothing supernatural.

• Any existing work of yours or files you saved and physical pieces you owned, that you had before this Essence, will be gathered under your personal folder with all your notes in one place for each story you wrote, your art in whatever finished or unfinished stage you left it, all your game files and projects present, music you own or saved in playlists or made yourself collected, to books in your personal library, etc. It's all there, even the silly doodles on your homework, the homework itself, and your achievements.

• The artifact can plug in or connect with any device that can store or upload information, so you can share your works with the world. Or profit from someone else's idea.

• All information that is classed as non-fiction has their own categories and special filters that can highlight propaganda, from outright lies to news media spin as well as anything that has become obsolete with cross referencing tools so you can look up what the new facts are side by side, which will also be highlighted for accuracy. Never wonder if what you're reading or hearing is misinformation or lies ever again.

• There's also a category for inventions, their handling procedures and manuals, how to make them, and what you need to do so. Try not to hurt yourself with some of them.

• Other handy things the artifact includes are calculators, measuring tools, maps with map features and GPS functions, a full spectrum camera with video recording features including those silly filters to give your image big eyes and cat ears, a phone function to text and call from anywhere in the universe including a few dimensions away, and even a transponder beacon should you need someone to find you which also works in magical worlds or low tech eras, causing a wizard to pick up on it or someone to feel called in your direction. These people will never be hostile or have hostile intentions, the transponder is for the nearest rescue workers and Good Samaritans not bandits or slavers.

• Your artifact cannot be stolen, lost, or destroyed, always appearing in your soul if you're too far from it. It also cannot be hacked, be infected with viruses, suffer from junk and bloatware, or any other thing that would interfere with its functions and speed. It and everything it provides is always clean, never needs maintenance, does not run out of power, and can always fit your form. No more suspiciously sticky controllers.