Essence of theOmniscient Internet

Upon drinking this blue potion with green circuit-like lines and flickering images, you taste what at first seems like poison but turns out to be cheap soda, and gain several effects:

• You can now access the internet from any device that can run an internet browser, regardless of whether it has internet access or proper input devices, and can use it as though it does have them.

• By browsing on the internet, you can find any information or file that you want as long as you search for long enough. The time it takes for you to find you target varies depending on how difficult it’d be to find out normally, but you are guaranteed to find at least something useful before your attention is completely taken by something else.

• If you just browse on the internet, you can find many strange and interesting artifacts and pets that you can buy that don’t exist in your current universe in the form of seemingly shady sites that turn out to be legit. These things get delivered through mundane means but are guaranteed to arrive in pristine condition and never take longer than a week to arrive.

• As long as you are browsing the internet, you will never tire, nor will you grow harmfully hungry or thirsty, though you can feel the sensations of hunger and thirst still.

• Optionally, you can choose to immediately have a person-sized mirror delivered to you, which will grant you access to a parallel world in which everything and everyone is mirrored, by means of its mirror-world equivalent that your alternate self has just purchased.